Larry B Gray

   Cleaning Hints Dirt: Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15 and leave it alone. Cobwebs: Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic at...

  There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.So the guy turns around to go back, but the car ch...

  "I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied. "It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been walking...

  A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting he...

  A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a ...

  1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!5. Are You Andy or Barney?6. I thoug...

  1. During the middle of the meal, turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was four months past its expiration date. You were worried for nothing."2. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught" and re...

  When I stepped on the scale at my doctor’s office, I was surprised to see that I weighed 144 pounds.“Why don’t you just take off that last four?” I joked to the nurse’s aide as she made a notation on my chart.A few moments later, my doctor came in and flipped through the chart.“I see you’ve los...

 John and Nancy were married for 40 years and decided they wanted to renew their vows and planned a second wedding.They were discussing the details with their friends. Nancy wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal gown and she started describing the dress she was planning to wear. One of her fr...

  An Army ranger was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had been dating two guys while he had been gone, she wanted to break up and she wants pictures of herself back.So the Ranger does what any squared away R...