Larry B Gray

  Here's the guide to calorie-burning activities, and the number of calories per hour they consume.Beating around the bush. . . . . . . . .75 Jumping to conclusions . . . . . . . . 100 Climbing the walls . . . . . . . . . . 150 Swallowing your pride. . . . . . . . . .50 Passing the buck . . . . ....

  A man walks into a bar, already drunk, and asks for a drink. "Sorry," the bartender says, "but you obviously already had a little too much to drink."Fuming mad the man staggers out the front door and walks back in through the side door. “Can I have a drink please?”“Sorry,” the bartender says, “...

  A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along."I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!""Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his...

 One day a husband says to his wife, “Today is a fine day!” Next day he says it again. “Today is a fine day.” Again next day, he says same thing, “Today is a fine day.”Finally after a week, the wife asks her husband, “Since last week, you are saying today is a fine day. I am fed up. What’s the ma...

  One morning the lion is feeling especially ferocious. He saunters over to a monkey swinging in a tree and roars, "Who's the king of this jungle?" The monkey scampers down from the tree, bows to the lion and stammered, "Wh..wh...why you are Mr. Lion." A few minutes later, the lion comes across a...

  Two older women were fussing about their husbands over tea one day."I do wish my Leroy would stop biting his nails. That makes me terribly nervous," the first one said."Oh, my Elmer used to do the same thing," the other woman commented. "But I broke him of that habit real quick.""What did you d...

  Shirley and Abe, a retired couple from New York City, living in Miami Beach, are getting ready to go out to dinner. Shirley says, "Abe, darling, do you want me to wear this Chanel suit or the Gucci?"Abe says, "I don't care."A few minutes later Shirley says, "Abe, should I wear my Cartier watch ...

  A woman was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex."Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" said her friend."Hellooooo," answered the blonde, "they're ...

  In a small town, farmers of the community had gotten together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her piece. One of the old farmers stood up and said, "What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if s...

  There was a religious lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business, so she did a lot of flying. Flying made her very, very nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her to read as it helped relax her on the long flights. One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her...