Larry B Gray

  Joe and Jim were out cutting wood, and Jim cut his arm off. Joe wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took Jim to a surgeon. The surgeon said "You're in luck! I'm an expert at reattaching limbs! Come back in 5 hours." So Joe left and when he returned in 5 hours the surgeon said "I got done quick...

  A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor. "Is Fred home?" he asked the woman who answered the door. "Sorry," the woman replied. "Fred's gone for cotton." The next day the collector tried again. "Is Fred here today?" "No, sir," she said, "I'm afraid Fred has gone for cotton." Whe...

 A fantastic new series of billboard ads are now displaying along several highways, encouraging drivers to slow down. The billboards read:Being "Mister Late" is always better than being the "Late Mister".  ------------------  My mother-in-law sent me two sweaters for Christmas.When she came for a...

  Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to takehim to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful. His grandmother remarked..."doesn't it look like an artist...

  A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?""Well, Honey..." said the boy's mom, "the stork brought you to us.""Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked."Oh, the stork brought us too," chimed in the dad."Well how were grandpa and g...

  A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand."Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work ...

  A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?" "I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exer...

  The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. You don't want to try these techniques at home: "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, t...

  First golfer: “I have the greatest golf ball in the world. You can’t lose it.”Second golfer: “How so?”First golfer: “If you hit it into the sand, it beeps. You hit it into the water, it floats. If you want to play golf at night it glows.”Second golfer: “Hey, sounds good. Where did you get it?”F...

  Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, "I built a big house for our mother." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've ...