Larry B Gray

  The young boy was spending a Sunday afternoon with his grandpa. Looking at pictures of his grandpa in his military uniform, the boy asked, "Grandpa, did you ever kill anyone in the war?""No champ, I never did.""That's a good thing.""You're telling me," began grandpa, "I was the cook!"  ========...

  Patient- Dr. How much it will cost me to extract my two teeth?Dentist- $300 US dollars.Patient- How much time it will take?Dentist- Five minutes.Patient- Five minutes only and it's $300 US dollars! Don't you think that is too expensive?Dentist- I can do it in 30 minutes if you want? ===========...

   Top 10 Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say  10. Well, how 'bout that? I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions. 9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun? 8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain h...

   Husbands and Wives  One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt... Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "Indiana Un...

  A gentleman enters a restaurant and asks the waitress what was on special. She replied, "Today we have lobster tales for 50 cents."He said, "I'll take a dozen!"She told him since it was a special he would have to pay in advance which he did. Then she said, "Are you ready for your first tale?"He...

  A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.""Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of ...

   Think About It... Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank - proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.* Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed...

  A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago: "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of u...

  Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!"The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got...

  In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of primitive self-expression..... In America we call it golf. * Five-year-old Becky answered the door when the census taker came by. She told th...