Larry B Gray

  The staff at a local United Way office realized it had never received a donation from the community's most successful psychiatrist. The person in charge of contributions called him to try and persuade him to contribute and said, "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,0...

  The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the...

  I asked a friend of mine by phone what he was doing. He told me he couldn't talk because he was working on "aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum, and steel while under a dangerously constrained environment."I was impressed. Until the following day when I learned that meant he was "washi...

  A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He goes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his he...

  Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, neither could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have ...

   Cards That Hallmark Won't Be Using FRONT: As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am INSIDE: That you're not here to ruin it for me. FRONT: Congratulations on your promotion. INSIDE: Before you go though, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again. FRONT:...

  While visiting Annapolis, a lady tourist noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand."What are they doing?" she asked the tour guide."Each year," he replied with a grin, "the upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took...

  I'd been working on my business degree for about a year when I finally got to take a popular finance course. I went to the bookstore to buy the text and was shocked to find out that it would cost me $96. I asked how much it was worth if I sold it back at the end of the semester."You'll get $24,...

  A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed.“What’s the matter son?” asked his mother.“Aw, gee,” said the boy, “it’s my marks. They’re all wet.”“What do you mean, 'all wet'?” she asks.“I mean,” he replied, “well below C-level  ============================== When asked f...

  A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know wha...