Larry B Gray

   You Might Be an Engineer If... The only jokes you receive are through e-mail* At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string* Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma* Everyone else o...

  A salesman talked my uncle into buying 10,000 personalized pens for his business with the promise that 
he would be eligible to win a 32-foot yacht. A born gambler, my uncle agreed.Well, he won, and a few weeks after the pens arrived, his prize showed up: a 12-inch plastic yacht with 
32 plasti...

  A young woman teacher explains to her class of children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.There is, however, one exception. A beauti...

  What Not to Say to a Police Officer 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!5...

  My three-year-old daughter stuck out her hand and said, “Look at the fly I killed, Mommy.” Since she was eating a juicy pickle at the time, 
I thrust her contaminated hands under the faucet and washed them with antibacterial soap.After sitting her down to finish her pickle, I asked, with a touc...

  A preacher went to visit a member of the community and invited him to come to church Sunday morning. It seems that this man was a producer of fine peach brandy, and told the preacher that he would attend his church IF the pastor would drink some of his brandy and admit doing so in front of his ...

  An older Woman is in the bar of a cruise ship and asks the bartender for a scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today."The bartender says "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In...

  A lady went into the grocery and asked for fifty gallons of milk. The clerk, amazed, asked her what she was going to do with that much milk. "I have a skin problem and the Doctor prescribed a milk bath." The clerk asked, "Pasteurized?" She replied, . . . "No just up to my chin."  **************...

  A boy and his mother stood in the dentist's office, looking at a display case. "If I had to have false teeth, mother, I'd take that pair there," said the small boy, pointing."Hush, Willie," interrupted the mother quickly, "Haven't I told you it's bad manners to pick your teeth in public?" =====...

  Dotty Sonshine asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Little Johnny's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent. "The Flight to Egypt," said Johnny. "I see... And that must...