Larry B Gray

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Real Estate Agent - Real Estate Consultant - SL3199919



  My dog chewed the tongue on one of my new, expensive running shoes. I hoped to save my investment, so I took the sneakers to a shoe repair shop. I placed them on the counter and told the man, "My dog got hold of this." The repairman picked up the shoe, looked it over, and placed it back down on...
  This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally fundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they i...
  A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" "No." A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly. "That's not my dog."   --------------------------------  A d...
  A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar. As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The fli...
  An Engineer was unemployed for long time. He could not find a job so he opened a medical clinic and puts a sign up outside: "Get your treatment for $500, if not treated get back $1,000." One Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic. Doctor: "I have lost tas...
  A woman called our airline 
customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.“Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.The customer was flum...
  Honest Brand Slogans Hallmark: “When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by 
a corporation.” Ritz crackers: “Tiny, edible plates.” CliffsNotes: “They’re still going to know you didn’t read the book.” Gillette: “We’re just going to keep adding blades.” ChapStick: “You’ll misplace it bef...
   Words to Live By I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. * Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left. * If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? * Am I getting smart with you? How would you know? * I'm not just a gardener, I'...
  Kids Quickies  It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, five-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked what they were for. "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his older ...
  Some Actual Signs In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait." * On an electrician's truck, "Let us remove your shorts." * Outside a radiator repair shop, "Best place in town to take a leak." * In a nonsmoking area, "If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire a...

Larry Gray

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