Larry B Gray

  There is a truck driver driving along, and he stops and picks up a priest to give him a ride. He's driving down the highway and he sees a lawyer along the side of the road and things, "Hot! A lawyer that I could run over!" So he speeds up and heads straight for him. At the last second he remem...

  In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining a pathologist. Here`s what happened: Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you listen to the heart? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you check for breathing? Coroner: No. Atto...

  A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried a creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," th...

  A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick."Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," t...

  A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial -- a grand motherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've...

  Here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the Br...

  Bob asks his wife, "What would you most like for your birthday?" She answers..... "I'd love to be ten again." So on the morning of her birthday, he gets her up bright and early and off they go to the local Theme Park. What a day! He puts her on every ride in the park, the Death Slide, The Scre...

  A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly. "How did you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it u...

  A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: "Da-ad..." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?" "No. You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO! If you ask again I'l...

  One summer evening, during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I h...