Larry B Gray

  There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. An angel hears his plea and appears to him. "Sorry...

  And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so man and woman would live long and healthy lives. And Satan created McDonalds. And McDonalds brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to man, "You want fries w...

  A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh theater.When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only allowed one seat."The man groaned but didn't budge. The usher became impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there, I'm going to have...

  Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!  *******  Q: Why do pilgrims pants fall down? A: Because their belts are on their hats.  ********  Q. What is a taxidermist's favorite part of Thanksgiving?A. The stuffing.  **********  What's a turkey's favorite song? "...

  The Twelve Days of Thankgiving On the First Day..... We give thanks for the fresh turkey feast and its hot trimmings. On the Second Day..... We bless the cold turkey sandwiches, slushy cranberry sauce, and hard rolls. On the Third Day..... We praise the turkey pie and vintage mixed veggies. On ...

.   Murphy's Technology Laws  All great discoveries are made by mistake. Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure. Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. All's well that end...

  A group of managers were given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. So, they go out to the flagpole with ladders and tape measures. Soon, they're falling off the ladders, dropping the tape measures... the whole thing is just a mess. An engineer comes along and sees what they're t...

   You Know You're a Redneck When...   Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.. You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.. Your wo...

  Two things they teach Marines: Keep your priorities in order Know when to act without hesitation.A college professor, an avowed atheist, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there was no God.Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "Go...

  Two men are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up and taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window and "WHACK", the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, "What the heck was that for?" The tr...