Larry B Gray

  retire, he had made enough to have his dream house built. He hired an architect and eagerly started planning out his mansion. After working out most of the rest, the architect asked if there was anything special the Italian man wanted to include. "Yes," he said, "I-a allus-a want one of-a those...

  Growing Old Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.* Insanity is my only means of relaxation.* Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.* Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets. * You're getting old when you get the same sen...

  A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked."I reckon so," replied the farmer.The car was immediately swallowed by t...

  Baby Boomers - Then and Now Then: Long hair. Now: Longing for hair.* Then: Keg Now: EKG.* Then: Acid rock Now: Acid reflux.* Then: Moving to California because it's cool. Now: Moving to California because it's warm.* Then: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents. Now: Watching J...

 Tired of constantly being broke, and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife (with himself as the beneficiary), and arranging to have her killed. A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious under...

  A large, well established, lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe and knocked on the head lumberjack's door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. "Just g...

 A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettable, is dead. The man, cl...

  A man in a diner is approached by another man. Man #1: Is that your Great Dane tied up outside? Man #2: Yes. Why is there a problem? Man #1: Well, I'm sorry, but I think my dog just killed your dog? Man #2: What! Your dog killed my Great Dane? What kind of dog do you have?" Man #1: A Chihuahua....

  A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancee to his study for a drink. "So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man. "I am a Torah scholar," he replies. "A Torah sch...

  Andy Rooney Ads in Bills: Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write...