Larry B Gray

  I'm Sorry, I couldn't resist a 2nd one today   A man visiting Scotland one day drove through Fife. Feeling hungry, he stopped at a Chinese restaurant he was passing. The food he ate there was by far the tastiest food he had ever eaten, so when he asked for the bill, he was astounded to find out...

 A guy just died and he's at the pearly gates, waiting to be admitted, while St. Peter is leafin' through this Big Book to see if the guy is worthy. St. Peter goes through the Book several times, furrows his brow and says to the guy, 'You know, I can't see that you ever did anything really bad in...

  A guy goes into a restaurant and lounge, his shirt open at the collar, but is stopped by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to get in. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a tie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trun...

   Definitions ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.* BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.* CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.* CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.* COMMITTEE: ...

   Wish I'd Said That "Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve." -- George Bernard Shaw"The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself." -- Sir Richard F. Burton"I don't want any yes-men around me. I want...

   You Know You're in Need of a New Lawyer When... 1. During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway. 2. He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser." 3. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other. 4. He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose...

  Rules For Dating My DaughterRule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If ...

   Is It Better to be Single or Married? The Great Debate: Is It Better To Be Single or Married? Questions concerning love and wisdom were posed to a group of children (ages 5 to 10). Their responses were amazingly astute and very enlightening, thus proving that all we need to know, we probably l...

  A duck walked into a pharmacy He asked the pharmacist "Do you have any grapes?" "No, but the grocery store two blocks down sells grapes." he replied. The next day, the same duck walked into the same pharmacy and asked "Do you have any grapes?" "No, two blocks down on the right." replied the pha...

 John Madden was in Dallas in October to announce a football game one weekend when he noticed a special phone near the Cowboys' bench. He asked the coach what it was for & was told it was a hotline to God.John asked if he could use it.Coach told him, "Sure, but it'll cost you $100." Madden scratc...