Larry B Gray

  A Russian couple was walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining" he said to his wife. "No, that felt more like snow to me" she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain" he said. Well, as these things go, they were about to have a maj...

 A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day. They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring...

  But on the Other Hand... On the other hand, you have different fingers. * I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. * When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty. * Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. * I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel univer...

  The Rules of Chocolate If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.* Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.* The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in hot ca...

  A large, well established, lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe and knocked on the head lumberjack's door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. "Just g...

  One morning the lion is feeling especially ferocious. He saunters over to a monkey swinging in a tree and roars, "Who's the king of this jungle?" The monkey scampers down from the tree, bows to the lion and stammered, "Wh..wh...why you are Mr. Lion." A few minutes later, the lion comes across a...

 A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He call...

   You Know You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When... 1. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. 2. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. 3. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. 4. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. 5. You lic...

  I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask." Sighting #2: The stoplight on the co...

  More and more doctors are running their practices like an assembly lines. One fella walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. He said, "Shingles." So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nu...