Larry B Gray

  Cookie the Cat's Resolutions 5. I will not demand to get out the minute after I come in, and visa versa. 4. I will not scratch wallpaper, curtains, furniture, clothing or my scratch pad. 3. I will not annoy the dog next door (unless I'm in a bad mood) 2. I will come when my human calls me (occa...

  Job Hunting in America Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 a.m. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG).He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE) and...

  Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk: Medicinal: Indubitably Innovative Preliminary Proliferation Cinnamon: Things that are very difficult to say when you're drunk:: Specificity British Constitution Passive-aggressive disorder Loquacious Transubstantiate: Things that are downright...

 An Alexander County Deputy pulled a car over on I-57 about 2 miles north of the Missouri state line. When the Deputy asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Branson to do a show that night and didn't want to be late....

  An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St.Peter says 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or sta...

   Three Friends Go to Heaven After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same question: "When you are in your casket, and friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy immediately respon...

  Q.(1) How do you know Santa has to be a man? Ans. No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year.Q.(2) Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ? Ans. You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.Q.(3) What do monkeys sing at Christmas ? Ans. Jungle Bel...

  The Memos FROM; Pat Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: Everyone RE: Christmas Party DATE: December 1 I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the banquet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We...

  The Impatient Holiday Shopper An impatient woman was waiting in the check-out line at a shopping center. Her arms were laden with a mop and broom and other cleaning supplies. By her actions and nasty tone, it was obvious she was unhappy about the speed of service. When the cashier called for a ...

  The Christmas Tree  There were two blondes who went deep into the woods searching for a Christmas tree. After hours of subzero temperatures and a few close calls with hungry wolves, one blonde turned to the other and said, "I'm chopping down the next tree I see. I don't care whether it's decora...