Larry B Gray

          Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night and everything was beautiful. His grandmother remarked..."doesn't it look like...

    A Couple of Groaners A stevedore was in charge of offloading the wheat from the ships at the harbor. Unfortunately the wheat was very moist and did not get sucked up by vacuum too easily. He approached the foreman for some advice and was told: "If at first you don't suck seed, try a drier gr...

  One day our 5 year old daughter came up to my husband and me and asked us what hell was like. My husband told her it was a terrible place with no food or water. She then asked if hell had a bathroom. My husband told her hell had no bathrooms. Then she asked what heaven was like. He told her th...

  Warning Signs On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place" * On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water. * On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R) throat lozenges: Not meant as a substitute for human companionship. * On a Magic 8 Ball: ...

  A Redneck Love Poem Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze. Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas. You move like the bass, which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales but I luv yo...

  An attorney was driving through the country side when his car failed him. He looked under the hood and knocked a few items around with a hammer. In the process he knocked off a gas line and got his arm soaked with gas before getting it back on. Discouraged, he attempted to start his car. Much ...

  A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" As she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting h...

  The staff at a local United Way office realized it had never received a donation from the community's most successful psychiatrist. The person in charge of contributions called him to try and persuade him to contribute and said, "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,...

  The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. You don't want to try these techniques at home: "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, ...

  Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change." Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me...