The "Seduction" of Your Sphere of Influence... How Trying to Get Business is Kinda Like Trying to Get ... uh...

Education & Training with Sell with Soul

A major fear of beginning an SOI* Seduction campaign is that your targets (that is, the people who know you) will see right through your attempts at friendship and know that you're trying to "seduce" them.

So, let's talk about Seduction for a moment. 
Even when I'm aware I'm being seduced, I certainly enjoy the ride. I mean, if my man were to come home tonight and outright announce he was expecting some action, I might be put off by his approach. I might feel a little used. However, if he came home with roses, gave me a big hug and kiss, helped me clear the table and then took out the trash, his chances of getting lucky would dramatically increase, wouldn't they?

So what if I know what he's up to?

Or imagine a young man takes a young woman out on a date. If he were to ask her up front if he's going to get lucky that night, she would probably be offended, even though it's likely she realizes it's in the back of his mind. So, the smart young man takes a different approach. He is charming. He is friendly. He is appreciative. He is attentive. He is complimentary. He is respectful. In short, he's good company and makes her feel special. He's fun to be around.

Will his seduction efforts pay off? Who knows? But he's sure a whole lot closer than if he had just announced his intentions up front. Again, the young woman probably knows she's being "seduced" but she's enjoying it.

So, let's compare a romantic seduction to the process of seducing your SOI. Fact is you want something from your SOI. You want their business and referrals. You want to be invited to their parties. You want to be their favorite real estate agent, don't you?

Well, you could always call up everyone you know and tell them, couldn't you? Remind them on the first Monday of each month that You {Heart} Referrals? Ask them if they know of anyone buying or selling real estate? Maybe even ask them for an invitation to their next social gathering?

But do you think they'd look forward to hearing from you? Do you think they'd appreciate your approach? Probably not; in fact, they might start avoiding your calls.

What if you were to call up your friends every month or two and ask how they're doing and really listen? Maybe even offer to help or send out periodic informative e-mails or newsletters of interest to them instead of all about you. What if you invited your friends to your Super Bowl party or sent them a postcard from your vacation in Cancun?

Would your friends realize you want their business and referrals? Maybe, but they won't care - you are making them feel special and cared about. Besides that, you're fun to be around! 

Seduction works in a romantic arena; it also works in a prospecting one. If we are charming, friendly, appreciative, attentive, complimentary, respectful and fun to be around (and also reliable and competent), we'll get our friends' business and referrals. We don't have to beg for it; we really don't even need to ask for it.

Give it some thought.

*SOI Seduction = Sphere of Influence = To generate business and referrals from the people who know you.






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Jennifer Allan-Hagedorn
Sell with Soul - Pensacola Beach, FL
Author of Sell with Soul
Connor - there are more of than you might think!!!! And even more who would be great at it if they could only overcome the PROSPECT PROSPECT PROSPECT brainwashing of our training.
Feb 18, 2008 01:51 AM #17
Heather Rankin
Rankin Realty at Lake Powell, LLC - Page, AZ
Lake Powell Real Estate
Jennifer - YES! I would love an invite ~ I do have a lot of questions. This is a small, remote area and I've been a pretty public person for the past 17 years while working on the museum board of directors, a library board, in the tourism industry and entertainment. There are a lot of folks who know of me or know me, but how do I welcome them to my new life without it all sounding like a sales pitch?
Feb 18, 2008 02:09 AM #18
Jennifer Allan-Hagedorn
Sell with Soul - Pensacola Beach, FL
Author of Sell with Soul
Done, Heather! You are asking the right questions... and I'm looking forward to helping you find the answers! It's simple... and fun.
Feb 18, 2008 02:17 AM #19
Ken Tracy
Keller Williams Realty Infinity - Naperville, IL
Helping clients buy and sell since 2005

Hi Jennifer.  Congrats on your successes.  You seem to have a great attitude.  Keep up the great work and I will keep a lookout for more of your posts.


Feb 18, 2008 07:33 AM #20
Gary Woltal
Keller Williams Realty - Flower Mound, TX
Assoc. Broker Realtor SFR Dallas Ft. Worth
So Jennifer, it is all about the indirect approach to getting lucky. Come through the side door. Connect and then build the relationship. But you do have to watch you don't become a secret agent either. They have to know that you are there to help with their real estate needs when the timing is right. So the whole key to real estate is, do I have this right, getting lucky?? LOL.
Feb 18, 2008 08:29 AM #21
Jennifer Allan-Hagedorn
Sell with Soul - Pensacola Beach, FL
Author of Sell with Soul
Lucky is good... but don't they say... Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity? Not sure how that relates, but it probably does somehow.
Feb 18, 2008 08:32 AM #22
Dena Stevens Coriz
Rocky Mountain Realty - Canon City, CO
Putting The Real Into Realtor Since 2004
Subtlety has it's qualities, but so does being straight forward. For instance I really, really dislike cold callers calling me and asking how I am today. Get to the point, maybe I want what you are selling, maybe I don't! I can see both sides of the coin.
Feb 18, 2008 10:18 AM #23
Ken Tracy
Keller Williams Realty Infinity - Naperville, IL
Helping clients buy and sell since 2005

Hi Jennifer.  Lucky is good, however I don't think you are talking about luck.  You are talking about being friendly, hardworking, honest, helpful, etc..  Qualities that unfortunately too many people do not associate with realtors.  Good for you Jennifer.


Feb 19, 2008 12:58 AM #24
Florian Sutalo
John L Scott - Sumner, WA

"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity" - my new favorite way of putting it.

Until now it was either "Luck is when probability is taken personally" or "Luck is a city in Wisconsin"

Feb 19, 2008 07:47 AM #25
Debbie Hodrick, PMP
Crystal Coast - Salt Lake City, UT
I hadn't thought about it like that before. Thank you for this post. It was very inspiring.
Feb 21, 2008 01:59 AM #26
John MacArthur
Century 21 Redwood - Washington, DC
Licensed Maryland/DC Realtor, Metro DC Homes

Jennifer - Should your next move be to my area.............well, I will get lucky!!!!!! Then there would be two of us sharing the love with clients.

This is the way to reach all goals. This is also the way to reach goals and have literally hundreds of people glad to see that you achieve them.

Feb 25, 2008 10:55 AM #27
Jennifer Allan-Hagedorn
Sell with Soul - Pensacola Beach, FL
Author of Sell with Soul
What a great perspective, JMac!!!
Feb 25, 2008 07:30 PM #28
asdf zcxv
Keller Williams Realty - Ann Arbor, MI
Ann Arbor Area Real Estate
Excellent as always.  I love the that we have dropped the drip.  Who ever wants to be dripped on?  This is especially true of our SOI.
Mar 07, 2008 12:52 AM #29
Brad Andersohn
Executive Director of Education at eXp Realty - Fairfield, CA
ActiveBrad - 707.646.1876
Jennifer - you are just too cute!  I love your SOI Blog and posts!  Keep up the great work, I really enjoy reading.  I'll try to comment more.  :-)  Have a great weekend! 
Mar 07, 2008 04:35 PM #30
Tim Gilmour
Exit Realty - Watertown, SD


I think we all strive for that, but I think there is a fine line between seduction and pushy.  Thanks for the great post.

Mar 08, 2008 02:03 AM #31
Debra Kukulski, Broker Associate
RE/MAX Unlimited Northwest - Cary, IL
SRES;SFR,CDPE;GRI;ABR;e-PRO Realtor, Northern IL

This is a very thought provoking post...I love the dating analogy and once again, you are right on the button!

Jun 22, 2008 03:27 AM #32
Troy Erickson AZ Realtor (602) 295-6807
Good Company Real Estate - Chandler, AZ
Your Chandler, Ahwatukee, and East Valley Realtor

Jennifer - So seduction is the key?  I should have known.  It makes sense to show people that you care about them first, instead of just asking for anyone they know who may be looking to buy or sell a home.

Sep 18, 2009 02:10 AM #33
Liz Moras Migic
Chilliwack, BC
Chilliwack, British Columbia - Realtor

Certainly a good analogy - its certainly about relationship selling!

Sep 19, 2009 04:23 AM #34
Alexander Harb
Knights Investing - Mesquite, TX
Dallas, Texas Real Estate Investing

Ok... I read your post on the explanation of the word "seduction" in your newsletter.....

From what I see... you are saying that in order to get something (sex in marriage, or business in life) you have to be:

  • making them (prospects ~~~ friends~~~ spouse) feel special and cared about
  • fun to be around (inviting them to parties, involving them in your vacations by sending them a postcard, etc.)
  • courteous
  • a person who genuinely listens to them
  • helpful
  • honest
  • Send them marketing materials for THEM (relating to what is going on in THEIR lives), rather than being merely self serving (HEY... I'm in real estate, remember ya have any business for me, "BUDDY"?)

It sounds as if you have a VERY good marriage if your husband and you treat each other this way, Jen. To appreciate each other by being a giving, loving, considerate spouse will ALWAYS result in romantic sparks flying and at the very least, it keeps the embers of a relationship warm and cozy.

The same goes for any relationship............... real estate included........ everyone wants to be cared about.... and listened to... and feel as if they mean something other than just a commission check.......... you have put it in a slightly sassy and fun way, Jen.

I will subscribe to your newsletter, lady...... I'll let your husband take out the trash and help with the dishes..... I am sure you will find some way to thank him.... have fun, Jen............hehehehehe  ;-)




Oct 29, 2009 04:13 AM #35
Paul Franciskato
Asset Brokering Services - Junction City, KS

Your seduction analogy makes a lot of sense in terms of "getting business" and this is fun reading!  I recently subscribed to your blog and look forward to reading more of your old and new posts.

Aug 25, 2011 05:10 PM #36
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