CANDACE STEVENS's (numbercruncherllc) Blog

"Will I Live To 80?" - I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him," Do you think I'll live to be 80?" He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco o...

The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One boy says, “Elephant.”Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginni...

A navy captain is alerted by his First Mate that there is a pirate ship coming towards his position. He asks a sailor to get him his red shirt.The captain was asked, “Why do you need a red shirt?”The Captain replies, “So that when I bleed, you guys don’t notice and aren’s discouraged.” They fight...

Will’s experience at the airport:After his return from Rome, Will couldn’t find his luggage in the airport baggage area. He went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that his bags hadn’t shown up on the carousel.She smiled and told him not to worry because they were trained profess...

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only gr...

I gave my patient the results of her sleep study: “It looks like you stopped breathing in your sleep over 65 times per hour.”Her response: “Did I start back?” —Michael Breus, PhD, Scottsdale, Arizona

Why is everyone so excited about the passing of the American Rescue Plan Act?  Let's take a look at some of the highlights of the provisions of this bill to see what all the hype is about.  ✴️ The act creates a new Sec. 6428B provides individuals with a $1,400 recovery rebate credit ($2,800 for m...

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.” 

You had a rough year.  You filed your taxes late and on top of that, you were not able to pay the taxes owed.  Now you received a letter from the IRS.  😱  With trembling hands and a racing heart, you open the letter to find you owe hundreds maybe even thousands in penalties on top of the taxes yo...

Don't use "beef stew" as a computer password. It's not stroganoff. Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?! Q. What do you call it when you have your mom's mom on speed dial? A. Instagram Q. Why did the PowerPoint Presentation cross the road? A. To get to the other slide. Q. How does a co...