Larry B Gray

  A retired lady needed some extra cash, so she got a guitar and took some lessons. Then she learned some of her generation’s  favorite oldies.Then she got herself hired by a nursing home to sing for patients by their bedsides. After serenading one bedridden older lady, she got up to leave and sa...

  The retired guy goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts.” The doctor replies, “OK. Touch your elbow.” The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. The doctor, surprised, then states, “Touch your head.” The guy touches his head and jumps in agony....

  A preacher goes to a nursing home to meet an elderly parishioner. As he is sitting there he notices this bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one.As they talk, he can't help himself and eats one after another. By the time they are through talking, the bowl is empty. He says,  "Ma'am, I'm so...

  Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one has to drop off, otherwise they are all going to fall.They were not able to choose that person, but then the woman made a very touching spee...

  A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 398, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good a...

  This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise.When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a bea...

  A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building.Therefore, he talked with the organist to see what kind of inspirational music she could play after the announcement about ...

  Two old guys from a senior center were sipping lemonade on the porch.One asks the other, “Ralph, I’m 92 years old and even my aches have pains. You must be close to my age. How are you feeling?”Ralph says, “Like a brand new baby.”“No kidding! Like a brand new baby?“Yep. No teeth, no hair, and w...

 And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetable of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double-cheeseburger. And Satan said to Man, "You want fries w...

  The latest proposal to drive the ISIS, Taliban and Al Qaeda out of the middle east is to send in the ASF (Alabama Special Forces.) Billy Bob, Bubba, Boo, Scooter, Cooter and Junior are being sent in with the following information about them: 1. The season opened last weekend. 2. There is no lim...