This past week has been one of the longest weeks that I've ever had. I haven't been around much.
You see....it goes like this...I've been grieving. A few days ago I posted a small little memorial. I didn't allow anyone to comment because I didn't think it was the right thing to do and my only intentions were to have good memories of my best friend and thought it would help with the loss and sadness I'm experiencing right now.
Last Monday October 6th 2008 I had to make one of the most difficult decisions I've ever made. I had to put my dog Roscoe to sleep.
Roscoe was 17 yrs old and up until about a year and a half ago ....he was virtually healthy his whole life. Except for a few minor ailments he only went under the knife once or twice.
We knew he was having some internal problems but nothing I couldn't handle by making some adjustments in his schedule. Around 8 months ago I took him to the vet and they mentioned that we do a geriatric test since he was up there in years and also to change his diet to senior food. Up until then I didn't even realize it but he was really old. But over the next few months he started to have trouble walking straight and he was getting cataracts so we could no longer let him go out on our patio alone or he might fall into our pool. But I still managed to keep him eating and he was still pretty active so we weren't thinking anything was changing.
By the time June rolled around I noticed that he wasn't barking....normally he would bark so much it made my ear drums explode but he just stopped and I was only able to get him to bark a few more times. Eventually he was sleeping more and I noticed he was losing his muscularity in his hips so I became concerned. He had stomach ache about two weeks earlier and he lost a little weight and I just kept giving him some medicine and feeding him and eventually he recovered and gained his weight back and a little more. But last Saturday he started to have trouble walking on his left leg. The next morning my wife woke up about 6 am and took him out as she always does but I heard her calling me and when I came out to see what was going on she was in tears and she said "I need your help...he can't walk".
By the afternoon I was back at the vets office and I was asking him if he thought Roscoe was suffering at this point...he said" Neal...no I don't think he is suffering in your hands but if you asked me to put him down...I wouldn't argue with you but it's your decision.... I just want you to know that sometimes we have people who only want to put their pets down because they are moving and can't take them or the pet becomes out of hand and the people get angry at me for refusing to do it but in this case...it's a lot different."
We went home...gave him a few doses of a light aspirin to help ease the pain but in the end he started to whimper if we had to take him out. He couldn't stand unless we helped him and I started to cry.
I'm not the type to cry in public but I knew at that moment that he needed.......he wanted us......to....do it.
Monday morning I had an appointment that was impossible to change and my wife said she would take him. Before I left I walked over to our bed and he was laying down. I started to pet him...talk to him and while I was in tears....I started to tell him he was a good boy and that I loved him and was going to miss him terribly. He then kissed my hand and I looked into his eyes and knew that he was telling me it was alright and he was ready. I drove home after my meeting to an empty house and about 30 minutes later my wife came home.....alone.
It was over....Roscoe was gone and we both started to cry. My wife reminded me that we gave him a great life and as much as it sucks and how painful it will be it was better that we didn't wait until it got worse. We both thought he would just get better just like he always did. But he didn't.....he couldn't jump...run...play....bark....growl...cry. His mind wanted to but his body wouldn't allow him to. Even on the day he passed .....he was still eating his food and was as hungry and thirsty as he always was.
I wish I could have done more and I wish I knew how he was really feeling inside. It's very hard for some people to understand the type of bond I had with a pet that's been with me for almost as long as I've been married. We remember how much research we did and how long we traveled to get him.
How do you understand unconditional love? I know it will be hard but I'll be ok.
I guess I took his age a little for granted... and my Father in law said it best..."How old was Roscoe? I thought he was around forever"
The photo above was back in the 1990's...the way we prefer to remember him when he was vibrant and full of life.
I just want to thank those who sent me many kind emails. I'm still having a hard time getting used to not seeing him... but every days gets a little better. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to get another pet and I'll never forget Roscoe...my dog...my friend.
Neal~ I am so sorry about you losing Roscoe. I know he was your best friend. I have read your posts about him before and know how much you loved him. I am so sorry and can relate to your pain. We had to do the same thing for "Daisy" our Golden Retriever and we still to this day grieve over her, but it does eventually get easier, but we never stop missing her ........
Sorry for your loss. I cannot even begin to fathom the day that I will say goodbye to my faithful companion. I think God gave us dogs just to get a glimpse of his unconditional love, loyalty, and faithfulness.
Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about Roscoe. You post is very touching, you can tell how much you loved that little guy. I think the best thing you was "he was virtually healthy his whole life..." That was a blessing.
Neal, I am so so very sorry to hear about Roscoe. I read about him in one of your earlier blogs and know how very much you love him. I lost my beloved Ben in June and I still grieve for him and miss him every day. I know there is nothing anyone can possibly say to comfort you, just know that others are thinking about you and sympathize with your loss.
They're not just pets, they are members of our families, and I'm sorry to hear about Roscoe. Clearly he was loved and was a valued member of your family. Sounds like he had a wonderful life with you, which is a blessing that many dogs don't ever get to realize.
We went through this 2 years ago...Unless you have a pet, you don't understand. It really is a member of your family. We had a WEst Highland terrier, which are very popular in tv commercials. Little Cesaers dog food has a commercial with them and the caption is "I promise to be there when you wake up", and everytime I see it I could cry....only time will heal.....
Hi Neal Add my smpathy in the loss of your pet. I went through that I think we take it so hard because they are indeed like family and our Best fRIEND How many people can we say love us unconditionally . I still haven't replaced my pet Lady after 16 years. It is too tough to let them go. I hope the well wishes help you to get through the gried.
Neal - My heart goes out to you... I'm crying too. I know that you will miss your trusted friend and companion. I'm sure that he had an amazing life with you and loved you as much as you loved him (it's hard to type through the tears). He will always be with you.. thank you for sharing the "softer side" of Neal Bloom.
Neal - wow, I saw your post before but this brought tears to my eyes. Having been through this sort of thing before several times, I undertsand what you are dealing with. It is so incredibly hard. My thoughts are with you. Time will help.
Neal, I know EXACTLY how you feel about Roscoe. It has happened to me with our dogs. Roscoe lived an incredibly long life at 17. Never let anyone say they are not part of your family. They are. And the unconditional love is amazing. Keep all the good memories in your heart.
Neal, I know how you feel. We had to do the same for our little Bandit. It was so hard but ultimately he was in pain and we knew we could not allow that to continue. Afterwards,everyone said get a puppy..but we never did. It's been 4 years and we still miss him.
Neal - I'm so sorry about Roscoe. You gave him a wonderful life, he knows that, what a very lucky dog and how wonderful you had him for so many years. I know you will miss him. Hugs to you and your wife.
There is nothing harder than making that kind of decision...why this day, why not tomorrow, maybe he'll get better, this might just be a blip on the screen, he doesn't seem so bad right now. I have had all of these go through my head when I have had to put my pets down. To this day, I still question myself on some of them. I hope you find peace with your decision and know that Rosoe is chasing squirrels up in heaven and waiting for you!
Dear Neal and Mrs. Bloom: It is hard to lose a pet when we have come to think of them as family and are used to their always being there. I am so sorry for your loss. You have written a great tribute to your pet and one that many other people can relate to. It is clear how much Roscoe meant to you, and will continue to mean to you - your memories of him will be long remembered.
Neal, You did the right thing. Many of us have been where you are now, and it would have been selfish to keep a dog around who is in pain. Be grateful for what Roscoe gave you and your wife all these years, I'm sure he was.
You're story sounds all too familiar. Last year we lost our Pomeranian Sassy to congestive heart failure. She was 16.
You know what I've heard about dogs that live way beyond their life expectancy? It is the love and care of their family that has them live so long. It is a blessing to have a dog that gives you such joy and unconditional love like that. Remember that Roscoe liked to see you happy.
We were with Sassy as she went to sleep. We stroked her and hugged her until she was gone. That was a long hard ride home from the animal hospital. She brought so much to our lives. Just as Roscoe did to yours. This poem is about them...
Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Neal, made me cry too. I had to put down my dog when I was 18 yrs old and she had been with me since I could barely walk. That was really hard. Still miss her 20 yrs later. ~Rita
Neal- I am crying too. I had to put my Cleo to sleep last November and it was the solice and support of people here on Active Rain that got me through my grief process faster and with less pain. I am sorry for your loss.
All I can say is that you gave Roscoe the best life that you possibly could. No regrets! You have some beautiful memories of your cherished pup, and those will be with you forever!
Neil, I am thankful that I have never had to go through this with a pet, so I can't say that I understand because I don't. What I do understand is that your hurting, and that I have experienced. Grieve for now, for you have a lot of time to rejoice in all the great memories that you have of Roscoe.
Rob and Jeannie posted exactly what I was going to Neal. Rainbow Bridge is what someone sent me when we lost a family member as you have. We are right here for ya buddy, though words and comments can never replace the pain in your heart, you are surrounded by friends and other family who love ya and care my man, so lean on your friends right now to fill that hole in the heart ok? I am really sorry about your loss.
Neal I am with you man. I have two of six dogs now that are seniors. One is 15 the other 14. The 14 year old we rescued last year because he had been abused and returned to the greyhound rescue that they adopted him from 9 years ago. He is healthy now considering but, is not well.
Neal, having lost more than one of these best friends in my life, I know exactly how you are feeling - my dogs were not dogs, they were children, friends, confidants, compantions.
Neal, I remember when you first wrote about Roscoe and the grief I was going through after going through the same thing with two of my babies. You inspired a post of mine that is still on the bulletin board of our local animal shelter. We never forget those we love, but hopefully at some point we bring more love into our lives. You & your wife are in my thoughts and prayers.
So sorry to hear about your beloved best friend. I have lost two dogs in my life and know that each was special in his way. In this process though it prepared me for situations that have been difficult. They always will live on in our memories so be thankful for all those moments.
Neal-those of us who have and love pets know how difficult the decision is to ease the suffering of one our beloved pets. It isn't an easy decision but it is always the right one. You always have to remember the 17 wonderful years that you had with Roscoe and not dwell on the passing.
Neal ~ Our pets let us know when it is time. I am sorry to hear that Roscoe is not with you, but I know that you and your wife share many warm memories. It is very difficult to lose a pet, they ARE family! My thoughts and prayers are with you.
I see someone already told you about "Rainbow Bridge" I received it from my dog sitter after we lost our long haired Chifuahua, Luca. He had diabetes and we don't know why, he went into convulsions and had seizures during the night and the vet couldn't do anything to save him. We had to put him to sleep and we cried for days. It isn't even how long you have the wonderful "little innocents" (animals) they are part of your life and they give so much love no one knows unless they have been through it themselves. My heart goes out to you and your wife. Roscoe knows you loved him and that you didn't want to put him to sleep, but had to out of love and kindness. God bless you and you will see Roscoe again, when you go home.
oh gosh. I am balling over here. I feel for you & am so sorry to hear about Roscoe & know your heart aches for him. They are such good, kind & sincere friends. I have a yorkie who has been with me since 1995, his name is Bailey, he has been my "faithful little man" all these years and it will break my heart when he is gone. I am so sorry for your loss of Roscoe but he is not in any pain anymore.
Neal - your touching words bring tears to my eyes and it is obvious that you and your wife gave Roscoe a wonderful life. It is so hard to say goodbye. We had to put down our cat a few years ago after she was hit by a car. It was so sad even now to think about. What a great photo and definitely our pets ARE members of our family.
Neal I am so sorry for your lost, he has been with you so long, and was an important part of your family therefore it will take time to adjust to his absence. Sounds like you have some very fun memories.
Neal, we are so very sorry for your loss. Our dog Ashley was a crazy Jack Russell that lived to be 18 and we had to make the same decision for the same reason that you did.
I think we get close to our pets because they depend on us every day. We have to make sure they're fed and loved, and they give so much love and joy back.
Unfortunately, they don't live as long as us and I have faced the same difficult decision. It's the last act of kindness that we can do for them.
Neal, I am so sorry to hear about you losing Roscoe. What a special 17 years you shared your lives with each other. I have got to admit I don't think I have ever heard of having 17 years. All animal lovers know that it is really tuff at the end. I have went through this three times and it is SO HARD... but time does help..
What a wonderful tribute you wrote about Roscoe. Thank you for having the courage to share.
Neal, I could not help but cry after reading this. I can so relate to your pain. Know in your heart that you did the right thing and he will be waiting for you over the bridge. He will come running to you as if he were a puppy all over again. I always have believed that our pets will be reuinted with us in Eternity and that is what makes it Heaven. I am so sorry that you had to go through that. We pet lovers will go through it a few more times before we just cannot anymore. Give yourself time to heal and remember, it is o.k. to cry. I send you a cyber hug from your Re/Max Sister. Call me if you need to talk.
Neal, 17 years is a great amount of time to spend with your wonderful dog. Losing a pet is very difficult because they are an integral part of the family but just don't live as long as the rest of us. I lost a dog and a cat a couple of years ago and its still hard.
I have gone through this a few times and no matter how sick they are I think I could do more. They are such a part of our family. I feel for your loss. Remember the barking till your ears explode.
Neal, My heart is breaking for you. When we had to put our Dessie down it was one of the worst days of my life! My husband Chuck ( who has since passed away) & I had Dessie from 3 months when we were first married. She was our baby! For a big dog, she had a long life, almost 16 years. She could not stand well or walk down stairs. We had a wheel chair ramp built for her and assisted her down with a canvas log carrier under her Belly. She was still a happy dog with no other aliments. When we took her to the vet, we were expecting a miracle maybe a doggie cart or something to help her walk, I had seem something like that for a 3 legged dog in a magazine. He told us we had to let her go... I am getting so choked up & holding back the floodgates, thinking of that day now, even after all these years. We held Dessie in our arms as she crossed the Rainbow Bridge. The vet let us stay as long as possible in the room . We were weeping & wailing, just a mess. I was afraid to get another dog the pain was so unbearable. Roger & I have had Bella now for 2 1/2 years. We could not resist when her picture arrived in our email. We are crazy about her, but missed out on the first 5 years of her life. The thought of being without her is unbearable, but I have to stay in the moment and enjoy all the love & joy she brings us. Neal, A big hug for you & your wife, we are her for you!
Bro - Part of me is crying (my eyes) and I didn't even know Roscoe. I totally understand and it does suck, that's life. If you ever need a friend, shoulder, or sound board... you know where to find me. I love your heart, I'm quite sure Roscoe does too.
hi Neal, as I said in my email yesterday, I've been down this road so many times because of all the animals I've adopted & raised over the years and it never gets any easier but... in time it's the great memories they gave us that last. Take care my friend!
My heart does go out to you - it is sooo hard to lose a beloved pet and friend. I cried while reading your post - it brought back memories of saying goodbye to so many family friends (pets).
What a beautiful tribute to a wonderful dog. I hope you find some solace in knowing he had a terrific life and knew he was cherished. You did what he needed you to do; you put his needs first, as hard as it was, and let him go when it was time.
You have my deepest sympathies; I totally know what you are going through.
Hi Neal, On Sept 11th, I lost my little love and I know as I have not yet experiencing the pain. My heartfelt condolences to you but especially to you because Men don't cry. Right! I didn't stop for days and still can't always control it. It OK, when love and lose our little one, it is pain more deep than anyone who hasn't experienced it could know. When my parents died, I don't recall grieving so much. It may be because humans never totally rely on us for everything and then give us more love than we have could know. It's a different kind of love but very special and unique, none the less. For some of us, it may be all we have , for others it is in addition but still unique and special. But special it is and the hurt of losing it, coupled with lastings mental visions of having to let them go is more than the body can always control.
Just wanted you to know I send you my heartfelt expression of sincere sympathy.
Neal.......my dog was Blue Boy. He was part Queensland and Border Collie. Smart as a whip, loved frisbie...would climb trees to get it, loved to swim and swing from a rope over the river and jump in. I loved him. Got him as a puppie and I think 13 years later (after taking him to Mexico, going camping, etc., etc.) I carried him in my arms to put him down. He couldn't hear any more, couldn't get around very well and just had had a stroke where he could only eat out of one side of his mouth. The vet made me feel terrible when I asked if I shuld put him down. That was hard for me to take. When I left the vet I went to the store to pick up a few things and every aisle I went on something reminding me of him and I could not stop crying. I have never had another dog since. He was the best. I truly understand.
Neal, I don't believe there isn't a pet lover on here that doesn't know that is one of the most difficult decisions you will ever have to make--and that you do it with pure love. I'm so sorry to hear about Roscoe.
Neal - I had to have my 17 year old Rhodesian Ridgeback put down in 2004. It broke my heart and I cried for weeks. I had had her for 12 of her 17 years - and that's the type of bond that many people can't understand.
I hope your days get easier. I know they will. Just remember - Roscoe crossed the Rainbow Bridge and is back to playing just like he was a puppy. And he thanks you for being so caring as to let him go.
Unconditional love is an amazing thing - and dogs are wonderful at both giving and receiving.
You just take the time you need..... people who have the same relationship with their little ones know what it's like.
After talking with you at length the other day I realized something. You share a lot with me when we do talk and I appreciate that. Men do cry.....and it's really okay. :)
I'm so sorry Neal. Just reading this brought a tear to my eye as I remembered having to make the same choice for my cat a few years ago. He was the best, but in the end, very debilitated by diabetes, I had to let him go...with dignity.
I chose not to be present when my Calvin was put to rest too...I didn't think I could handle it.
It's ok to grieve and to cry...it gets better with time but doesn't seem to ever go away although I remember the good times with such clarity now and know that he had a GREAT life.
We are grateful to you, God, for the life of Roscoe
And entrusting him to the care and keeping of Neal and his family.
Help us all to remember the good time with Roscoe
And the joy and companionship he brought to everyone.
As we remember Roscoe, may we love each other more dearly
And unconditionally, as our pets do for us.
May we care for all of your creatures and your creation
With the same love you care for us.
...Amen
It's been over three months and I still miss my beloved Delilah as you do Roscoe. The sadness has turned to a small smile as I picture her by my side smiling back at me when I think of her, as that's how she wanted me to feel all the time (happy).
Nothing anyone can say or do to help right now...time will heal but you'll always have a place in your heart for little man!
I had a Russian Blue cat, named Gorby, for 18 years who passed away 4 years ago. I missed him very much in the beginning and I adjusted with time. It will get better. Best Wishes on your journey!
Neal, my heart weeps for you and Roscoe. It's like losing a family member and unfortunately I do understand the pain. Just remember the good time, the treats and the friendship you shared. He was a very lucky dog.
And, even though you're not ready there are so many souls out there that need the very love you have to give. I'm sorry.
Neal Bloom-Realtor ® Assoc.-CRS-Weston FL 
copyright © 2008-All rights reserved
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Rainbow Bridge 
I am so sorry to hear, I was going to comment the other day but felt you needed space!