This is by far the most challenging and interpersonal blog post I have ever posted.
Many of you who have read my posts know that for the most part...I usually only post market statistic data or, advertisements about new listings. Well, today...I've chosen to write about a very personal subject that I hope will help emphasize to other members, the value of life we all share with our friends, family, and loved ones...and the vital importance these individuals have on impacting and changing our lives for the good.
This is a glimpse into my private life and the one person I hold most dear...my Mother.
Let me first start by telling you alittle bit about her situation. My mother's name is Violet Jean Gray and she is 62 years old. She'll be 63 in fourteen days (God willing). My mom is a very strong willed and extremely courageous woman and I love her deeply.
Over the last ten years she has battled breast and ovarian cancer. The cancer first appeared in one of her breasts and required a partial masectomy with many scheduled chemotherapy sessions and additional medical treatments. A few years past and it was determined that she at that time showed no further signs of the disease.
Later, the cancer reappeared in her ovaries. From what I understand from talking with my Mom, this is one of the most life threatening areas for a woman to have cancer in. My mom started taking chemotherapy right away and fought strongly for another few years until the tumor markers were reduced to an acceptable level - meaning that the cancer was either in remission or, had almost been wiped out entirely. At one point, she did experienced a problem where her heart went into "afib" while receiving one of the chemo treatments but, was able to recover.
Once again, a little more time passed in between and the cancer reappeared in the same area. My mother spent many long hours performing research into this particular type of ovarian cancer...studying all of the available clinical trials, best hospitals known for treating cancer related ailments, new drug releases, etc. Well, needless to say...the treatments that she has received did in fact extend her life.
Now in her third bout with ovarian cancer...my mother recently started receiving another round of chemotherapy about two weeks ago. She had previously taken the same drug a few years before and it helped to reduce her tumor markers significantly. The doctor suggested this particular treatment because the tumor growths had moved into her abdominal area, internal organs, as well as her ovaries.
Yesterday at 2:15pm, after receiving her chemotherapy treatment in her doctor's office...my mother went into full cardiac arrest. She stopped breathing and did not have a pulse for several minutes. The doctor performed CPR feverishly in an attempt to regain her pulse. Her pulse was intermittant. (I will spare you the visual details as I know them.) The doctor called 911 and she was transported to the hospital.
Under the care of emergency room physicians, my mother showed no signs of normal brain functioning activity. The doctor's immediately put her on full life support and later moved her upstairs to the cardiac care unit where she resides to this moment. They are concerned about the length of time her brain and body went without oxygen and it is presently unknown as to the extent of her brain cell and organ tissue damage because of it.
I love my mom and will miss her greatly if she is unable to regain conciousness. My brother and I will be fine and will be able to cope. However, the one person I am most concerned about...is my 91 year old grandmother, her name is Mary. My mother was her primary caregiver and lives in the home right behind hers. As to be expected, my grandmother is not taking this situation very well...she has outlived her husband and is now facing the reality that she will in fact most probably outlive the life of her only child.
I am still in shock as I write this so please forgive me if I am not writing in complete sentences or, if the paragraphs above seem incomplete.
My primary goal in writing this post today, is that I sincerely hope each one of you will be reminded just how precious life is and how important your friends and family are to you. So many times, we get become self-absorbed with our day-to-day activities that we forget about what is truly important. Money can buy a lot of things in life but, it cannot bring someone you love back to you once they have crossed death's door. PLEASE TELL THOSE THAT YOU LOVE AND CHERISH, THAT YOU LOVE THEM TODAY. DON'T WAIT...because you never know when their, or your time may come to leave this home we call Earth.
Thank you for allowing me to share this most difficult time in my life with you.
-Keith
Keith M. Elliott Jr.
Prince William County Real Estate Specialist
Realtor®, e-PRO®, ABR®, SRES®
Commercial Specialist®
RE/MAX Olympic Realty
15100 Washington Street
Haymarket, VA 20169
Office: (703) 530-2955, Ext. 6316
Cell: 540-272-9012
Fax: (703) 891-9490
Email: kelliott@comcast.net
Website: http://www.MyRealtorKeith.com
Blog: http://www.activerain.com/kelliott5264
YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/myrealtorkeith
Press Releases: http://www.myrealtorkeith.com/My_Press_Releases/page_1923059.html
TV Appearances: http://www.myrealtorkeith.com/My_TV_Appearances/page_2102591.html
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UPDATE 9/05/08 - I just wanted to take a moment and thank each and every one of your for your kind words of encouragement & support, and for keeping my mother in your prayers. You are all very special people and I am fortunate to have kind folks like you in my life. From the bottom of my heart...thank you sincerely.
As of last night, there has been little progress. She has made atleast two baby steps of progress to the good; she no longer requires blood pressure medicine to keep her pressure up...she is able to do that on her own now, secondly although still on a ventilator for life support...she is able to take several breaths on her own as well. The doctors are adjusting this regularly to see how she responds. Unfortunately, neurologically she is still unresponsive. Her kidneys are showing negative signs to the point where she may need to be on dialysis. The doctors have told me that if she were to regain consciousness that there is a great likelyhood that she may require a food tube and several other forms of support. They ask me daily about what they want me to do in the case of rescitate or do not rescitate...forcing me to be in an unbearable position for fear that I may make the wrong call. An extremely difficult position to be in. For those reading this...you may want to incorporate into your Will (if you haven't already) a clause that states what you want your loved ones to do in the God awful event this happens to you someday in the future. It will prevent your family from having to make this burdensome decision.
Once again, thank you for the tremendous show of support and loving kindness.
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UPDATE 9/06/08 - While at the hospital this evening, I was standing next to her bedside talking with the nurse about what some of the machines do and how we can tell if she is getting better or, worse. Talked about how organs fail and so forth...then we heard a loud beep and my mother's eyes were partially open and it looked like she was trying to blink. The nurse clicked her thumb and forefinger together to see if my mom could roll her eyes but she was unable to. We noticed that the number of heartbeats and blood pressure went up at the same time. In a way I kinda took it as though maybe she heard us talking and wanted to show us that she is still there fighting in some capacity. I just don't know. We put our trust in God to do what he feels is right regardless of the outcome. Hopefully tommorrow we might see some new progress although the doctors are all pretty much leaning towards that she might end up multiple organ failure, or that her body will live but she may spend the rest of her days in a coma until finally succumbing to the cancer that she has so courageously fought.
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UPDATE 9/08/08 - My brother who flew in from Vegas to be with my mother, grandmother, and I just called me from the hospital. The neurologist ran some quick tests and looked at my mother's chart...he seems to think that maybe she did not go that long without having oxygen so the damage incurred by the brain cells dying might not be that severe as previously thought. My brother also said that my mom is now able to blink her eyes and is responding to touch...which in itself is wonderful news! Her kidney functions were not looking too good until today when it appears they are showing signs of improvement. I'm getting ready to head to the hospital now to be with her.
Once again, thank you for all of your generous comments of support and compassion. It warms my heart and I am most grateful.
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UPDATE 9/09/08 - Spent several hours at her bedside last night. Talked again with her doctor. He explained that the part of the brain that makes up who we are as people and helps us with cognitive thought is not there. Her body is being kept alive by the functions of her brain stem (heart, lungs, internal organs). She is able to maintain her own blood pressure and take some breaths on her own but, without full life support...she wouldn't still be alive. I think she can still hear me though because there were a few times I was talking with her nurse (at bedside)...about the whole life and death topic, and my mom's blood pressure went way up and her eyes opened. So, that could mean there is some brain activity present but the doctor's aren't sure just how much is there at this point. Waiting on neurological tests to come back. We thought she was able to respond to touch yesterday but, that was not correct...just involuntary actions caused by the brain stem.
On the way home from the hospital, about 1:30 am...I was riding my motorcycle on Fairfax County Parkway...only one car on the road that time of night and it was up in front of me...do you know, we past a cop in his cruiser and he ended up writing me a ticket for speeding and let the other guy go. All he said was "the reason I stopped you was because you were doing 60 in a 45 mph zone". I told him that my mother was dying and I had just left the hospital. "By signing here it is not your admission of guilt"....yada yada yada. Arrgh!!!
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UPDATE 9/10/08 - No change in her condition today. She's stable however still in critical condition. My brother who visited her earlier in the day said that he thought she may have moved her head by about an inch or, so. He said he wasn't sure if that really happened or, if he just imagined it. The hospital staff had to give her some blood. I stopped by in the evening to see her and didn't notice anything new.
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UPDATE 9/15/08 - Spent several hours at her bedside again today as well as the last few days. i'm finding it extremely difficult to focus on much. Each day seems to be a blur with only brief moments of focused concentration. Tonight I had the opportunity to speak with the Neurologist. He helped answer many of the questions that I have had regarding my mother's brain activity...what actions are a result of the brain stem and what is not. As she lies there with her eyes blinking, I asked him about her condition and what would he do in a similar circumstance, he told me quite frankly that if it where his mother lying there...he would not want her to be kept alive under these conditions. Her likely recovery would continue to require life support on some level and be minimal at best. All the while...there is no cure for the Cancer that has plagued her. It is unlikely that she will ever be able to communicate...even as much as to say "turn me", "I'm hungry", or "rub my feet". I also posed the same question to several others on the hospital staff. These gentle, kind hearted, lovely human beings who deal with this type of situation on a day-to-day basis braced me for what could possibly be a long and painful journey if we chose to keep my mother alive indefinately on life support. The results of which only would only produce more pain and anguish for my mother as well as for our remaining family members. I will spare the reader of the physical medical procedures required for this type of long term care.
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UPDATE 9/16/08 - I have found the last few days most difficult to cope with. Perhaps the realization has finally hit me that she will not make it out of the come that has so embraced her. Part of me just wants to believe none of this has ever happened yet, unfortunately I must face the unbearable. The unthinkable task lies solely before me where I must advise the doctors on further treatment. My brother and I have determined that the best thing we can do for our mother is to let her go. And as painful and tragic as this situation is before us, my gut wrenches with having to be in a position to make such a dreadful and unimaginable decision with her life. My mother's birthday is just two days away...it's on the 18th. My brother and I have decided that we will instruct the staff to take action on that day. Tears fill my eyes as I write this, for it is no easy task to bear. I only pray that I am making the right decision concerning her life. The hospital staff explained to me the procedures they have in place for allowing a patient to die peacefully. Typically, what they do is slowly turn down the ventilator while administering a strong dose of Morphine. It is my understanding that some patients go rather quickly while others hang on for days, weeks, or for several months. My fear is that she will not pass quickly.
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UPDATE 9/17/08 - At my Mother's bedside for several hours tonight...watched as the clock struck midnight. I stayed until about 3am saying my final goodbyes. The longest most painful walk I have had to make this year was the walk I took leaving the hospital walking across the parking lot to my car.
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UPDATE 9/18/08 - Today is my Mother's birthday. She turned 63. Outliving my Father by only a few months. He passed away about a year and a half ago. The hospital staff, per our request...removed my mother from the ventilator this morning. The made sure she was comfortable by administering multiple doses of Morphine.
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UPDATE 9/19/08 - My cousin just called me a little while ago. My Mother passed away at approximately 7:45pm this evening. I just called several of my relatives to tell them the news. My brother is here with me at my house and my grandfather's sister and her son are with my 91 year old grandmother across town.
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UPDATE 9/20/08 - Today was exceptionally difficult, and what made it that much more challenging to deal with is the fact that one of my listings is part of a regional auction taking place on October 4th in Washington D.C...as the listing agent, I am required to hold an "Open House" for the public to view the property from 11am until 5pm. I had a very good turn out...approximately 63+ people toured this listing (I stopped counting at 63, but had several more). Atleast the constant flow of activity kept my mind temporarily off of my mother's passing.
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UPDATE 9/22/08 - This afternoon Kevin and I went to the funeral home and sat down to discuss the funeral arrangements with the funeral director. Her name was Diana and she was very compassionate to our situation. She did not try to hard sell us on anything (which to me spoke volumes) we would not have responded well if she had. We looked through a three ring binder illustrating all the caskets that they offer. Some were inexpensive at $795 and they went up from there to $5-6k. Using basic services and a $995 casket the total cost came up to just over $9k. Now that figure does not include the burial plot, burial vault (graveliner), headstone, grave placement, etc. This issue becomes further complicated because we are considering having her body shipped to Coatesville, Pennsylvania so that she can be laid to rest with some of our other relatives...it's not really a complicated issue however, the funeral home here said that the additional charges could amount to $3-5k on top of what we just committed ourselves to. Personally, I would prefer Pennsylvania...instead of here locally. Tommorrow morning Kevin and I are going to call the funeral home in PA and find out what their charges would be to receive the body and transport it to the cemetary, as well as find out what a plot would cost there and here locally. So, tommorrow brings with it yet another challenge.
For extended family members who have been reading this blog since day 1, close dear friends of my mother, or anyone interested in sending flowers...please direct those orders to go to the following funeral home.
DEMAINE FUNERAL HOME
520 South Washington Street
Alexandria, Virginia 22314
Phone: (703) 549-0074
(deceased) Violet Jean GrayThe viewing schedule will be Thursday, September 25th from 6pm until 8pm...and then again on Friday, September 26th from 11am until 1pm (the church portion of the service will begin at 1pm).
On behalf of my grandmother "Mary" and brother "Kevin", we would like to sincerely thank all of you for the love you have showed us through this most difficult time, your deep compassion, and overwhelming inspirational support. The comments you have made, those who have called me personally, and those who have sent emails...from the bottom of our hearts...THANK YOU FOR YOUR OUTPOURING OF LOVE AND SUPPORT! WE ARE MOST GRATEFUL.
NOTE: A copy of this blog post will be printed out and available for viewing by all those who attend the scheduled viewings...afterwards, I will be placing it into my mother's casket for all of eternity.
Keith Elliott Jr -"Prince William County Real Estate Expert"
Posted by 
This is an extremely important message, and I am only sorry that such a personal tragedy is occurring to inspire you to write it. I will send my thoughts to your mom and your grandmother.