Carole, the uplifting word has such power. In your instance the negative comment was such a downer. We all should practice the former and refrain from the latter. What a difference that would make in the world. Some just don't have the right attitude is what I am convinced caused what you saw,

Carole, I LOVE this post and what you've said is SO TRUE. My husband always tells me how we take any criticism, even from a crazy source, so to heart. It seems the human thing to do. It is great that you can see that for what it is and I hope your kind words to the woman with the donut were a help.

The woman with the sharp tongue and too much advice is probably very insecure and that's why she constantly tells everyone else what to do (by criticism if nothing else). Why? When people give us unsolicited advice, instead of hearing it and taking it on, it would be great if we could ask ourselves "why is this person overstepping the bounds?"  I think it's possibly because of a sense of not being good enough herself. If you make everyone else feel worse, somehow it makes you feel better. Though not really and not for long.

All of us sometimes say something we wish we hadn't. This gal sounds like it's her Modus Operendi. Shame, isn't it?

Thanks for the great reminder that we can lift people up or pull them down. A kind word or a harsh one may put someone over the edge - one way or the other.

Hugs,
Mary

You just made my day!  And I'm sure the lady in tears realized it after too. It's the ignorance of some that are really malcontents in the world who thrive on nothing better to do than to be mean and critical towards another. And we all know...it's because they are not happy with self.

If someone told me I didn't need the donut I'd say...oh, but I think I do want it...and right about now my wants superceded my needs :)

Carole, that woman ought to be reported. How rude and brash. I'm so sorry for the lady who got her feelings hurt. Some people seem to take comfort in others pain. I'm dumbfounded at this. It will come back to her.

Later in the rain~Deb

We really do need to understand the POWER of our words!  Usually people who say such rude things are trying to compensate for their own lack of self worth. 

Words are the most powerful weapons in the world.  They can scar.  They can heal.  The can start wars and they can bring people together.  We all need to learn to use them properly and with compassion!

Carole ~ What a horrible woman - why is she still even working there?  She must say these things to everyone.  Unfortunately, things like that make me mad, and I would have said something back to her in my anger like, "Gosh, you really are as stupid as you look", which I'm sure doesn't help matters, but is my initial reaction.

You are so right Kathy.  People can be so mean to others.  I try to find the best thing I can find to focus on.  Thanks for sharing.

Carole, This is so funny that you wrote this because it happened to me just the other day and it is SO true.  I was paying for something with my check card, which had my photo on it, and the cashier says, Wow, look how much younger and thinner you were in the picture".  I just thought, wow, that was not very nice.  Funny, how those little comments stick in your head.  I try everyday to compliment people and tell them " good for you "  everyday.  I think it is important like you said.

Carole,
It was wonderful of you to go out and talk to the woman who was in tears....
I had a very similar conversation to this post with a friend over the weekend and we both agreed that there are many people who are a bit down or low on self-esteen and we each have the ability to build them up with our words and smiles and considerations. Not all of us were blessed with loving parents who supported us and uplifted us while we were growing up and some people have the old tapes playing in their subconscious again and again.....

I've often thought too that those who are the most critical of others are like the ones with the lowest self esteem and perhaps are the ones who were most critisized while they were growing up or perhaps even now in their personal relationships. Once someone says something to them about their cutting remarks, they often become more aware of how their actions are affecting others and then try to be more careful. It sounds like it needs to be pointed out to this cashier that her harsh words are hurting others....

Jo

You are absolutely right about how powerful words are. It has become incredibly clear to me that people who use them negatively are people who have experienced a lot of pain in their lives. What's in their hearts come out their mouth. I am anxiously awaiting how you effect the cashier's life with your kind words. I encourage you to try and find out what is motivating her "ill" tongue. I don't think she is in your life by coincidence. You may be helping numerous people without even knowing it... like a small tossed pebble making a tiny wave on a still pond, you never know how far the wave goes or how large it may become. Keep being real!

Bob

Some of those comments are just awful. I have learned though that the ones who are so quick to speak in hostility or negative realms lack the self esteem needed to be uplifters.

In this story Carole

the WORDS that came out of this cashier were POISON.... far more devastating and damaging than eating a donut.

What comes out of our hearts (actions, words, deeds, etc) NOT what goes into our bodies, shows the pureness or pollution of our souls.

beauty comes from the inside out although sadly, that's not what our society markets to the masses

thank God you were there to reach out and comfort her - people have committed suicide over less a reason than this!

Sincerely,

Grace

Carole, It amazes me too that people sometimes just don't think before they open their mouths.  I try to be so mindful of what I say and sometimes I just notice people and give them a big smile when they think they need it.  Funny, your expressions can say it all too....good or bad.  Thanks for sharing.  I have a feeling that you are always saying things to make people feel good

Hi Carole- My first reaction was empathy for the lady in front of you.  My second thought was is there a cultural thing about the clerk?  Sometimes we don't look at this, and it can cause a lot of problems.  Whatever the dynamics are your message is clear.....words can hurt !!!  I'm glad you were there to help soothe the hurt.

oh that just about made me cry!  I can't believe she meant it.......some people don't stop to think about what they say - and sometimes the only difference is some people say what others may only think..........sad to say but true............but your statement:.. Driving home, I realized it takes a MINUTE to make someones' day....and less then a minute to BREAK someones' day.  And those minutes add up-to hours, days, weeks" really moved and touched me Carole.......i'm going to work on taking that 'minute'.....to make someones day more often......i do it often with strangers, and clients, but probably not enough with family....":-(

Hi Carole -- Thanks for putting these thoughts into words.  As parents we have heard that it takes 10 positive statements to take away 1 negative comment.  It is an easy habit to get into to be too short and non-thinking when responding to pressure in our lives and take it out on others!  I'm thinking you need a new coffee stop!  Blessings on your day!

Hi Carole,
That poor woman, I'm so glad you were there to comfort her.  That cashier is one very unhappy woman.....and she is intent on pulling others down in the mud where she is.

Carole:  How sad for that lady who left in tears.  I am constantly amazed at the things some people will say.  I've had things said to me that leave me floored and I would never even think to say anything like that to them.  What a wonderful world it really would be if people would just be positive, supportive, considerate and forgiving.  Why is it we seem to gravitate toward being negative and critical? 

Right after Michelle Obama's speech last night, I saw several media types struggle with something to criticize but they found a way.  Why not just simply say, it was a good speech and she did an outstanding job.  There was no need to search and fumble for something negative to say.  Sorry, I guess I'm off topic.

Carole,

My longtime highschool friend who has almost died of alcoholism twice has been sober for a few weeks.  It is so good to have her back, I just want to talk to her all the time and tell her how much I have missed her.  She is 48 and deserves sobriety.  I am really happy for her and call her every day to tell her. 

Edie

Gary, While I know some people deliberatly do things to hurt others, it still surprises me--and makes me very sad at the same time.

Mary, Both remarks were mant to hurt--and they did.  She is deliberatly unkind and I know she is aware of it and likes to make others feel badly.

Sally, I was never, unfortunately, able to come back to anyone with a "good comeback line."  I SO wish I was!  I am so thrown off when people do that to me, I am usually rendered speechless.  Good for you for the comeback, can you TEACH someone how to do it?

Deb, I will, sooner or later but in the meantime she is deliberately doing damage.  You can't report these people, unfortunately, they are all usually family.

Pam, I have always thought that as well....putting someone ELSE down gives them some kind of "lift"

Steve, I love what you wrote and every word of it is VERY true.  I sometimes believe that these words can scar a person in the worst type of way.

Kathy, I kind of wish I had your initial reaction!  Because then she wouldn't get away with it again.  My son is always telling me to speak up to these people but I am so caught off guard, I usually have no words.

Audrey, That is so funny (sorry) that you mentioned that.  I recently had to give my license to someone and they said "You look like your best friend just died in this picture."  Great---how nice of her to comment.

Jo, She is aware of it, she saw the womans face (and mine as well).  There is a name, I believe, for people who take pleasure in hurting others.  I know it's HER issue but I sure do hate running across these people!

Bob, Thank you for the kind comment.  I was speaking to my son about this the other night, he knows who she is and says she is always nice to him.  He was shocked at what I told him (and I was shocked she was nice to anyone!).

Melissa, I so hate running across them.  I felt very bad when she said that to me but I wouldn't let her see it---and now I go to the OTHER 7-11 that's 5 minutes away just to avoid her.

Grace, I know that and I honestly don't know if I helped her, I hope hearing that she is doing this to others has some effect. 

Cristal, I am always trying at least.  I am very mindful of what I say and how I say it, I deal too with people and they have feelings, the LAST thing I want to do is hurt them.

Kathy, VERY astute, there actually IS a cultural difference.  On the other hand, I have worked with people literally from all over the world and they would never think to speak this way.

Liz, It was sad--and unnessary.  We had be laughing just before this.  And it really does only take a minute....

Margaret, Thank you, I have a new coffee stop :)  And I have read (or heard) that as well with children.  I hope I was as careful THEN as I am now!

Cynthia, She IS down for sure.  I believe someone who lacks what this woman and I both do---a good comeback--might make her think first.

Donna, I missed the speech, unfortunately, I was out.  I don't know why some people feel the need to hurt but I do believe it makes THEM feel better in some way.  And so sad that that's what it takes to make them feel better about themselves.

Edie, What a wonderful thing to do, you are providing her with very much needed support (something we can ALL use but in this case so much more).  It is a wonderful feeling to bring people UP, not push them down.

You were so thoughtful to reach out to the poor woman.  Careless and cruel words are so unnecessary.  I must say that is one thing I love about it here in NC...it is kinder and gentler than CA was so it makes me want to be even more thoughtful.  Someone should talk to that cashier!

That was an awesome post Carole and one that I am bookmarking to come back to! It is so true that we need to think about others and that person in particular appears to need a "life lesson". What comes around goes around so she will eventually get that same attitude from someone. Of course, maybe that is why she is the way she is! If so, I hope that someone is nice to her soon AND explains what "customer service" is!

Diane, I have traveled to places where people were SO nice and went out of their way to help you--not hurt you.  But you'll find these people all over I guess.

Libby, I believe miserable people just take out their issues on others.  They've always been around and we need to find a way not to let them hurt us so much (easier said then done, I know!).

Carole - unfortunately rudeness and insensitivity are like a virus.  It spreads like wildfire and gets out of control.  You were kind to this woman and I'm sure she appreciated it - even if she was in tears.  Perhaps a call to that 7-11 manager is in order.  That clerk has no business speaking to customers like that. 

There is no excuse for rudeness.  You may not agree with someone, you may not think they need a donut, you may not think they need a cup of coffee ... but it's none of your business and there is no cause to be rude about it.

Imagine ... she pulls that stuff with someone that is coming from a funeral for a loved one ... and she gets cold-cocked.  I would think that that would be a just outcome.

Good point and a good reminder - kind of like your "Garbage Truck" story from earlier, I love that one!

Ahhh the power of words!  Some people have no idea that what they say can effect others.  I have to admit I may have been guilty in the past.  Some people just say it like it is and think nothing of it.  I am glad you were there to comfort her.

Carole- It takes only a smile to turn someone's day around and sometimes even to save a life. I know in New York a story of a man who was on his way home to commit suicide because he was all alone and believed there was no more good in his life. Then a young woman crossed his path and smiled really big at him. That one smile, that one caring moment saved his life and he did not follow through with his plan.

The issue of allowing: when someone tries to ruin the day, when someone says something mean to us, it is our choice to respond or to react. Respond as Sally says she would, means that the person has not control over your life and your emotions. That is responding. Reacting is when you allow that person to ruin your day.

Carol, I don't believe rudeness is contagious, I just hope politeness is.  Fact is, they have never been nice in that store (they will ignore you while speaking on the phone) but this person was unkind twice that I know of--and I'm sure more then that.  I believe these are mostly family members so there is no one that cares, even if I do report it.

Kevin & Monica, I loved the Garbage Truck story but it wasn't mine.  The kind author allowed me to reprint it with his permission and I loved it enough to want to share it.

Janice, Some people have no idea....and some people do and do it anyway.  I truly believe this woman is out to hurt, unfortunately.

Katerina, Wow, what a story!  I need to remember to smile more because I don't always realize what an impact that alone can have.  Thank you for sharing that!

Carole:  Words can uplift and destroy.  Thank you for posting

Carole,

I am incensed at that clerk's insensitivity!  My gut reaction is to drive over to that 7-11 and have a few words with that clerk AND give it to her 'in spades' before reporting her to the management...but I'm feisty in those situations and I know that isn't politically correct.  Your 'less is more' approach of using silence probably is more effective because it sounds like that unhappy soul is really looking for conflict AND attention (even if only negative).

I really feel for that poor woman who was brought to tears by that hurtful comment :(

Val

Carol, thank you for the wonderful email and advice.  I will trully  follow some of the tips you have suggested. I also agree strongly with your comments regarding one's behavior.  At the end of the day, we all need to take a good look at our selves and realize that words can be sharper than a knife!  I try to lead my life the same way you do.  I also remind my teenage children this everyday.  Remember we all can make a difference in one's life, but wouldn't it be so nice to make a difference in a kind and positive way rather than the reverse!

Janet Brown, Home Stager, JB Staging Concepts

Dianne, They absolutely can do both.  I always hope mine uplift.

Val, You know me, I can't get in someone's face like that--at times I wish I could.  But she knew what she was doing---even when she made that remark to me.  It wouldn't have done any good.  Maybe helping this nice fellow coffee drinker was the right thing to do.

Janet, You're more then welcome and I'm sure I speak for everyone with a warm welcome to Activerain.  It is never easy in the begging, hang in there my friend and keep posting--I look forward to reading them.

Carole,

It's really puzzling what some people can say to others. And it's even more so when they work in a service industry job and then utter these uncalled-for comments. It seems to take more effort to make someone's day than break it.

Esko, I have to believe they are peope who are just miserable....and try to make others feel that way.  Sad but I think true.

Those were truly insensitive people.  I can't believe they'd say those things.

Barbara, I agree with you.  I also believe in Karma so I have to think what goes around, comes around. (I'm figuring they don't believe in that).