Just writing my memories. It’s mostly for me, but this is a blog and 9-11 hit us all, so go on and relive it with me if you like.
My Little One had just started preschool. It was hard to be away from her, but at the same time I had a little FREEDOM and that was so nice. I was driving over to my brother’s house to return a movie we’d borrowed from him. On the way over, the guy on the radio announced that a second plane hit the other World Trade Center building. I hadn’t heard about the first one. Talking to himself as I am, the announcer said, “This has to be terrorism.” I got to my brother’s house, where he and our Dad were trying to take out some bushes at the side of his house. I told them about it, then drove home in shock to watch the new.
I just hit my knees in front of the TV. I couldn’t believe it. I was so stunned, I couldn’t look away and I couldn’t think of anything but how scary it must have been to be in the planes, or in the buildings, or anywhere near. When the buildings fell, I cried. No pretty crying, ugly crying. They didn’t have time to get out. That was a mantra in my head, they didn’t have time to get out. I didn’t know anyone in New York, but I hurt just because I knew somewhere a Mom like me was seeing those buildings and wondering where her husband was. I hurt because I wanted to take it all back, but I had no control. I couldn’t do a damn thing to make it better.
I saw it over and over again. They didn’t edit a thing that day, it came in fresh and raw and IT HURT. I stepped away from the TV, I wanted my kids. I wanted my family.
I went to preschool to see Little One. When I arrived, the kids were on the playground and parents were lined up at the fence, not speaking, just staring. We still had our families. So many people suddenly didn’t, but we did. We were so blessed, and so hurt. Our kids had never been so beautiful.
Once I had Little One, I wanted my Tall One, too. At her school, the sign out sheet was covered in reasons like, “I just had to hug her” and “I needed my family together.” I hope someone kept those sheets, I’ve never seen anything like it. Suddenly work and school were nothing compared to having a loved one to hold.
At home, in the driveway, I pointed up and told them to look, there are no planes. There are ALWAYS planes in the sky above us. Nothing. For days, there were no planes. That bothered me on a level I still don’t understand. A handful of people did something far, far away from me, and all the planes were gone. I felt a hole in my heart. We are all connected, even when we don’t know each other.
I told my girls what happened. We talked about it simply. I don’t hide stuff from them and we talk things out. We talked about the heroes that went down in a field in Pennsylvania, how they knew what happened, and what was going to happen, and how they chose to go down fighting. I told them to always choose to go down fighting. Always choose to save someone else if you can. We talked about the cops and firefighters who ran into the buildings to get others out. Every emergency worker is a hero to me.
Looking back, I learned that you can hurt us, but it will only bring us together. There are some people with evil in their hearts, but they are BY FAR outnumbered by ordinary people with extraordinary hearts.
Today I remember heroes, those gone and those walking among us.
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Sarah, I well remember my own feelings on that day. I'll be writing a post later...