So, you contact every agency in town for to engage a REALTOR and you find that everyone is off for the day.  And you need an agent.

Well, there are two brokers working today:  Larry the Cable Guy and Voldemort, aka, Tom Marvolo Riddle.

And, this won't wait.  You need a real estate agent NOW.  Who you gonna pick?

Let me seeeee.... We have a few qualifying questions.  It's interview time.

On second thought, I don't think it's so wise to ask Voldemort very many questions.  He seems to get a little moody when tested.  And Larry the Cable Guy will surely have more fun answers anyway.

I mean, YOU can ask Voldemort anything you want to.  Go for it.  But I'm guessing that Larry will laugh hisself half-sick when old Voldy waves his wand and flambes your underbritches and you commence to dancing the flamin' shorts two-step.

So we are going to have to make some assumptions, and to keep the old Quidditch pitch (I'm really having difficulty envisioning Larry The Cable Guy flying a broom.) level, we'll go into "dual-agency-assumption" (Uh...what did you expect to find at that link?) and we'll make assumptions for both agents.

1.  Who is the better negotiater?  (And, BTW, the goal is "Win-Win.")  I'm not convinced that Voldemort sees any value in there being TWO winners.  More like "Win-Vaporize."  Not so good.  And then there's Larry the Cable Guy.  Before he got done obfuscating around, the mess would resemble four 8 year olds squabbling over Monopoly money.  "No Win-No Win-No Worries."

2.  Who would have a better grasp of transaction details?  Suppose the survey comes back and shows an undisclosed easement and a small encroachment.  Do you want to be the Listing Agent working through this with Voldemort?  Not me!  Now Larry the Cable Guy, on the other hand, would undoubtedly be able to riff for a few paragraphs and turn "undisclosed easement and small encroachment" into something that would make an unrepentant sailor blush and hope his mother wasn't watching.  And never address the issue.

3.  Who would you trust with the Earnest Money?  Voldemort?  Nope.  Money means nothing to him.  Larry?  Sure. He's the responsible sort.  Yeah... Right...

Gee.  This is a tough call.  Maybe a coin toss?